He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
