ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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