I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
