I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
