??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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