Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
