Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
