Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I deserve this hangover.
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