just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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