hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
