Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
