My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
