I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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