Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
