He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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