but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
