I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
