Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
