1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
How's work?
Spinning.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
