i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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