i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
