ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
