You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
