Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
