I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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