we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
