her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
