she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
