dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
