if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Can I color on your dick again?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
