so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Farmville is her only friend.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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