who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
