did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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