sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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