Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
