god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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