even my farts smell like vagina
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
