I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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