I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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