you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
