Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
