I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
