The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
