absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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