i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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