Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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