3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
