I'm really into asian looking animals
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
