I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
