haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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