I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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