walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
